Well meaning friends often compliment the caregiver they know. They will say things like,

“You are doing a good job, you are an angel, stay positive, take care of yourself’. A friend said the advice was always well meant, and I always forced a smile, but inside resentment flared.

Why do we feel resentment when our friends and family talk about what a good job we do as family caregivers? As I meet caregivers in our chatroom and other online settings: social media and forums, I discovered it is common for caregivers to feel resentment and guilt when they receive compliments for their hard work. I often did as I cared for my parents. Caregivers often feel like they don’t do enough to help or that the care provided is not enough, so when someone compliments them for their job, it can feel like an extra burden rather than a reward.

Some caregivers also experience guilt from not being able to do more for their loved ones, or they may feel like they are not genuinely doing enough and aren’t worthy of the compliments they receive. Additionally, due to the stress and strain of being a caregiver, the last thing some caregivers may want is to be given more attention or praise.